Our method
The program consists of four phases, undertaken in order. Phases may not be skipped, combined, or attended remotely. The average client completes the program in eleven days.
Intake and spiritual diagnostics
A facilitator asks you two hundred questions about your childhood, your father, and your posture. Your answers are transcribed. At the close of the session you are shown a chart of yourself and asked whether you recognize the person on it. Most clients say yes. That is also noted.
Containment
Phase Two takes place in a decommissioned grain silo on the north side of the campus. Clients surrender their phone, their belt, and their opinions about musical theatre. Meals are provided. Lighting is limited by design. Contact with family resumes in Phase Four.
The rite
Forty minutes of Latin, administered by a man who learned it from a compact disc. Blessed water is applied liberally and without warning. Some clients report a warmth. Others report nothing at all, which we regard as evidence of deeper entrenchment and grounds for a second sitting.
Aftercare and continued vigilance
Deliverance is not a destination. Graduates receive a weekly accountability call, a monthly home inspection, and permanent access to our members-only forum, where they may read but not post. Vigilance is included at no additional charge and cannot be declined.
What we use
| Item | Description |
|---|---|
| Blessed water, standard | Municipal water, blessed in bulk on Tuesdays. |
| Blessed water, premium | The same water, blessed individually, with your name said aloud. |
| Demon Detector Pro | A handheld unit that emits a tone. The tone means what the facilitator says it means. |
| Ceremonial restraint | Padded. Rated to four hundred pounds. Rarely required. |
| The chair | We do not discuss the chair on the website. |
Our facilitators
Every facilitator holds a Certificate of Deliverance Practice from the Institute for Spiritual Realignment, a nine-week correspondence course. Four of our eleven facilitators are graduates of the program themselves, which we consider the strongest credential available.
Facilitators are not counsellors, therapists, physicians, or clergy, and are careful never to describe themselves as any of those things in writing.
Ready to begin?
Assessments are scheduled Monday through Thursday. Bring a change of clothes.